Laughter helps to battle depression. So here are some of Walter's email jokes to get you laughing.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

The Buffalo Theory

In one episode of Cheers, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.  

"Well you see Norm it's like this a herd of Buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest animals in the herd. And when the herd is hunted it's the slowest and weakest animals that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells. Making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that Norm is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Catholic Parrots:

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

"What do they say"? the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he said; "You know, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time".

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying.  Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.  Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Frank, Put the beads away, our prayers have been answered".

Husband Wanted!!!

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said.
"Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

***The wedding is scheduled for Saturday...

I Think Your The Father

Wives

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a Chinese woman and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes.


The second man had married a white woman. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. On that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, he saw a clean house, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a black woman. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.